The Power of Body Language is your practical, personal playbook for getting what you desire from others - and zoning in on what others are saying to you without words. In an insightful and engaging narrative peppered with fascinating facts, nationally renowned body-language expert Tonya Reiman illuminates the hidden meaning behind specific gestures, facial cues, stances, and body movements - giving you a life-changing, career-saving, troubleshooting skill you will never leave home without. Learn how to: Decode what other people are thinking and feeling Take control of your own secret signals Gain trust - and detect untrustworthiness Ace a job interview Read a face to know a person's inner emotional state Make a dazzling first impression Exude confidence - even when you're not feeling it Recognize if someone is sexually attracted to you Understand why men and women "speak" a different language Learn to use it. Learn to read others. And tap into success like never before.
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By Tonya Reiman. The media often asks me to comment on the body language of famous or infamous people such as politicians, Hollywood celebrities, and criminals.
Judging from the amount of media coverage they receive, nothing fascinates us more than the private lives of celebrities.
While individual celebrities may fascinate us, when two celebrities come together in love, we are transfixed. We create cute names for them, like TomKat and Brangelina. We track their dinner dates, their holiday plans, their baby bumps. Zellweger met Chesney, a quadruple-platinum country performing artist, in January of at a concert benefiting the victims of the tsunami.
After a brief, intense courtship, they married in a small, romantic ceremony on the beach. Then their whirlwind romance came to a crashing halt. A mere days later, Zellweger filed for an annulment. The gossip media was abuzz with wild speculation about the fast demise of the marriage. She had checked the box marked fraud on the annulment application—what did that mean? Was Chesney gay?
Did Zellweger just discover it? Was she crushed? Through it all, Zellweger maintained her dignity and stiff upper lip while under the constant watch of the public eye. She probably thought the story had gone away and that she was home free by December , a full year after the annulment was finalized, when she appeared on Late Show with David Letterman to promote her new film, Miss Potter.
A frequent guest on the show, Zellweger had always enjoyed an easy, joking rapport with Letterman, who had customarily been warm, welcoming, and respectful to her. That may have been why she was caught off guard when, after a cordial welcome, Letterman abruptly changed the subject and attempted to pin her down with a question about her marriage to Chesney.
Her legs are crossed in a pose universally seen as the sexiest sitting position for women, the leg twine, which highlights the muscle tone of her legs.
She preens a bit, touching her hair and tossing her head, standard female signals of self-confidence, attraction, and interest. The moment Letterman asks the question about Chesney, all of those rapport signals start to fall apart. She completely stops making eye contact with him. She leans directly away from him, exposing her neck in a submissive gesture that shows how vulnerable she feels about the issue.
As she sits up again, at the same moment, she shifts her body so her knees and feet point away from Letterman, and she orients her chest and shoulders toward the audience. Having introduced the topic, Letterman continues with the line of questioning, although he, too, starts to change his body language. He averts his gaze and stares down, seeming to ask the desk his remaining questions.
Their rapport has disappeared. Both parties have stopped looking at each other. While Letterman and Zellweger both continue to speak to each other verbally and show outward social signs of making nice, their bodies relate an entirely different conversation. Zellweger begins to rock her body back and forth in increasingly larger movements and responds to his comments with big, forced, barking laughs.
Her fingers twist in her lap. Yet all the while she has a big smile on her face. As Letterman makes a joke about having been disappointed when she got married because he had wanted to marry her, she turns completely away from him and drops her head down, still smiling.
Then, the most telling moment: for just the briefest instant, a flash of true anger covers her face. She scowls, narrows her eyes, purses her lips, and all traces of even fake smiling leave her face. As quickly as her anger appears, it disappears. That microexpression lasts only for a fraction of a second, not nearly long enough for the untrained eye to catch it.
For the first time in the twenty seconds since he asked the initial question, she looks him in the eye—and a bit forcefully. She even subtly moves her head around to draw him back into direct eye contact. Perhaps not coincidentally, soon thereafter he straightens his tie in his trademark gesture of discomfort and says, Probably none of my business, is it? We all have aspects of our private lives that we like to keep private.
When we need to interact with the world, we put on our public face and try to conduct our business without letting anyone see behind the veil. While we intend to maintain our privacy, very few of us are successful at completely obscuring our true feelings. Even the most accomplished actors can unintentionally betray their genuine emotions with body language signals. Once you have studied and mastered body language, you will be astounded to discover how much a person can unwittingly reveal about himself without saying a word.
While most people never pick up on these signals, once you learn to recognize them, you will detect them everywhere—and even be able to control them more easily in yourself. I was in a psychology class at Pace University, an eager-to-impress student. I sat in the front row of the class, taking copious notes as I listened to Professor Mitchell deliver his lecture to a packed auditorium.
This particular day, Professor Mitchell was talking about proxemics, the study of how humans interact with each other within physical space. He described the zones of personal space, telling us one of his trademark great stories, walking back and forth in front of the classroom. Gradually, as he spoke, he moved closer and closer to me. Naive little old me continued to take notes, somewhat oblivious to what Professor Mitchell was doing, but subconsciously starting to feel increasingly uneasy.
In the middle of a sentence, he abruptly stopped talking. His tone changed, and he said loudly, OK, I want everyone to look at this young lady. Every head in the classroom turned in my direction, and the class drew an audible gasp. Professor Mitchell was leaning over my desk, nearly nose to nose with me. Although my hands were still on my desk, the rest of my body was stretched as far back as it could go. My body had automatically responded to his sly, but very aggressive, takeover of my personal space.
He had used his body to communicate messages of power, dominance, and total control. And his skilled use of body language coupled with my total lack of awareness gave this man the complete upper hand. I was dumbfounded, awestruck, and immediately hooked. I had to learn these secrets for myself. And so my passion for body language was born. Research has found that as much as 93 percent of our interpersonal communication is nonverbal.
How your body moves, what expression your face makes, how fast you speak—even where you stand or sit, how much perfume you have on, what type of jewelry you wear, or whether your hair is long or short—all of these elements send messages far more convincingly than any words spoken.
An estimated one thousand different nonverbal factors contribute to the message you send in every interaction. Cumulatively, these nonverbal elements have much greater power than the paltry 7 percent impact of the words coming out of your mouth. Do you trust this person? Do you want to turn and run for the hills? Emerging science in the fields of psychology, anthropology, linguistics, and sociology shows that nonverbal signals are the most honest and reliable sources of communication. Exciting new neuroscience research has revealed that from birth a certain part of our brains is constantly wired and rewired based on our nonverbal interactions with others.
The problem is that many people have conditioned themselves not to listen to these signals. As a result, we end up getting duped, swindled, jilted, misled. Jim was a copywriter at an ad agency. His high-pressure job was becoming more like a snake pit every day. He was glad to have a friend in Tom, a younger colleague whom Jim had mentored.
Tom and Jim shared all the available office gossip, analyzing corporate politics to figure out when the next restructuring might happen. They both knew their jobs depended on coming up with new ideas that sold products.
One of the most anxiety-producing parts of their jobs was to pitch ideas to a room full of colleagues and senior creative executives. To prepare, Jim and Tom would often practice on each other. One day, when Jim was pitching his new idea to Tom—his first real idea in a long time—he felt something had changed in their relationship. He started to feel unsettled. Was it the new idea? Was it Tom? Tom looked at the floor, scrunching his lips together. You might want to work on the end of your—oh!
Conference call at two! Jim sat there feeling deflated. My idea probably really sucks. For the rest of the day, and the next morning, Jim had an unsettled feeling. I wish I could shake this, he thought. Later, during the pitch meeting, Jim took his regular chair at the table and was surprised to see Tom on the other side.
Usually they sat together. Tom flashed a tight grin at Jim, and again Jim had that unsettled feeling. What was going on? The managing director bounded into the meeting, and everyone snapped to attention.
Excellent, great to see everybody, she said, looking around the table. In this book, I will teach you to consciously read these nonverbal signals, so you can know what the people around you really think, not just what they say.
Power of Body Language
Nationally renowned body language expert Tonya Reiman illuminates what until now has been a gray area in interpersonal communication: harnessing the power of your nonverbal cues to get what you want out of every aspect of life, from professional encounters to personal relationships. Unlike other books on this fascinating topic, The Power of Body Language is your practical, personal playbook for getting what you desire from others -- and zoning in on what others are saying to you without words. Once you know the hidden meaning behind specific gestures, facial cues, stances, and body movements, you will possess a sixth sense that can be a life-changing, career-saving, trouble-shooting skill you will never leave home without! Learn how to: Take control of your own secret signals Gain trust -- and detect untrustworthiness Ace a job interview Shake hands the right way Make a dazzling first impression Exude confidence -- even when you're not feeling it Recognize if someone is lying Understand why men and women "speak" a different language Read a face to know a person's inner emotional state In an insightful and engaging narrative, Tonya Reiman analyzes all of the components of body language -- the languages of the face, the body, space and touch, and sound. She shows you how to become a Master Communicator with The Reiman Rapport Method, a surefire system for building an instant connection with anyone, in any situation.
Tonya Reiman born is an American author, hypnotist and motivational speaker. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. This article has multiple issues. Please help improve it or discuss these issues on the talk page. Learn how and when to remove these template messages. This biography of a living person needs additional citations for verification , as its only attribution is to self-published sources ; articles should not be based solely on such sources. Please help by adding reliable, independent sources.
The Power of Body Language